Ed Edd n Eddy: Sex Ed-ucation

Chapter 1

Eddward, or Double D as he was known, pushed open the glass door of the library He wore a crisp red shirt over a black long-sleeved shirt, and three-quarter jeans to reveal red trainers. With three books tucked under his right arm, and his lucky beanie swinging precariously from his head, he tilted his head to check the time on his wrist. Ah, excellent. He still had about twenty minutes until class started. He exited the main building in search of a comfortable tree in which he could seek haven and immerse himself in literature until the bell sounded. He had picked up the complete works of Shakespeare and was avidly looking forward to indulging in the implicitly wonderful language that was ingenious for its time.

He was in the tenth grade, and he couldn’t be more pleased with himself. He was the most academically outstanding student in the entire state, bringing some notability to the quaint Peach Creek (save his poor physical education, which he had thwarted for about a year on special pardon by his brisk-mannered parents). Double D had grown quite tall over the years. Of course, a complimentary height between Eddy and Ed, his two foolish, but otherwise enjoyable friends.

He leaned against the rough textures of the tree and propped the book on his lap, letting a few stray brown hairs fall into his eyes as they began skimming feverishly down the pages. He was currently perusing “Twelfth Night”. Crossing-dressing damsels and a love triangle, what more could he ask for in a guilty-pleasure read?

Double D couldn’t help but detect the bolstering and haughty voice of his friend, Eddy’s elder brother that had finally returned from his vagabond days of college and had reemerged as a teacher of questionable merits.

“No need to worry,” came the harsh voice of Eddy’s brother, “most of you are yellow belts, so you shouldn’t have much trouble.”

Double D could hear the hesitant moans of the class. Clearly they were out of their league, but none were game enough to question the insipid, tenacious man in his twenties. Each child was given a plank of wood positioned on two tall rocks.

“NOOO!” Double D was broken from his riveting read and peaked over his shoulder anxiously. Johnny, who had become somewhat of a rebellious punk (what with his multiple piercings and debatable hair color), came hurtling forward, his wooden companion Plank riding on his shoulder. “This is totally against nature! I won’t let you kill Plank’s cousins!” With that, he grabbed the planks of wood and made a run for it. “FREEDOM!”

Double D couldn’t help notice that as Eddy’s brother chased after Johnny; the attention of the class was centered on Sarah, Ed’s younger sister, who had the only remaining plank. She had her bright red hair tied carelessly into a ponytail, loose hair falling on either side of her face, illuminating her dark green eyes which were squinted in concentration.

Double D found the focused look in her eyes almost endearing.

She made a swift motion with her right hand and the plank splintered in half, its remnants landing separately on the grass beneath. Sarah rubbed her hand thoughtfully and glanced over her shoulder to find Double D staring at her.

Double D noticed the perplexed look she gave him, her lips curled into a secretive smile. In a hasty and clumsy effort he gathered his belongings and scurried away, holding his hat down with one hand, worried it would slip off. He couldn’t understand why his heart was beating in a skirmish, so hastily that it was pulsating in his eardrums.

*

Meanwhile, Eddy and Ed were sharing an enlightening detention session with Eddy’s older brother. Eddy was dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a windbreaker. His jet-black hair was slicked back, and he was looking rather cool. However, he didn’t feel cool at that moment. He groaned miserably, his head balanced in his palms as he watched Ed reverberate my bashing his head repeatedly on the desk.

“I am a jackhammer, Eddy!” proclaimed his tall and confounding friend Ed, as he continued to slam his head on the table at a ridiculous pace. He wore a vest with holes and odd splodges of who knew what, and three-quarter jeans with other odd, unknown splodges. Due to his lack of hygiene, he had adorned a series of acne over the years, however they blended profusely with his freckles.

Eddy groaned once more, watching his brother sitting at the front reading a rather risqué magazine portraying women in compromising poses. His brother’s ear perked at his detested sigh and yelled, “Shut up, pipsqueak! I’m trying to concentrate!”

Eddy rolled his blue eyes at the ceiling. “Great…just ‘cos we spit-balled his office…”

*

Eddy didn’t anticipate the irritating, nasal whine of his friend, Double D, as he and Ed exited the detention room.

“Detention, again?”

Eddy ran a hand through his hair and shrugged it off.

“We decorated Eddy’s brother’s door with pretty spit-balls. Plus we couldn’t get drunk. Such a shame,” Ed added helpfully.

Double D folded his arms loosely and sighed in exasperation. Here came the lecture, Eddy thought grumpily. “How many times must I inform you, this is not appropriate etiquette.” His mouth shaped each syllable harshly. Sometimes Double D reminded Eddy of his parents. “It is simply unheard of, especially since we’re in the 10th Grade.”

Eddy gave Double D a deadpanned look. “All these years and I still don’t get ya.” To distract his flustered and sometimes confusing cohort, Eddy slung an arm around his shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows. “C’mon, Double D! We’ve got Sex Ed. I bet even you’re lookin’ forward to that!”

That got the Sockhead’s attention; his eyes were slowly widening in realization. He tugged at his beanie and checked his watch out of habit. Eddy grinned, watching the know-it-all squirm.

“Hahaha, Eddy said a naughty word!” Ed boomed, his voice echoing down the hallway and attracting onlookers.

“What are ya, in kindy? We’re gonna go in boys and come out men.”

Double D removed Eddy’s arm from his shoulder politely and put on his ‘strict voice’, retaining his composure. “They’ve only just introduced this program, so we’re going to have to participate with the Eighth Graders. In other words, you had better set a proper example.”

Eddy ignored his friend’s chastising and rested his arms behind his head, sighing wistfully. “Yeah, maybe I’ll be paired with Nazz…”

“I fear that statement is grossly uncouth,” Double D muttered.

Eddy scowled. “What do you know, Sock Head?”

*

Surprisingly only a small number of tenth- and eighth- graders were congregated in the enclosed space. Eddy’s brother had set up an old movie reel and switched off the lights. “Ok class, I’m just gonna pop on the film and leave you to it.” With risqué magazine in hand, he slammed the door, leaving the students to fret the sight that awaited them.

At first it was completely pitch black, but then the film started playing, a ballet of gray imagery dancing across the scratchy screen.

The film’s narrator was a middle-aged man who seemed to have a profound knowledge of the film’s content: “When a man and a woman love each other…”

Suggestive music started playing in the background. Soon the room was filled with the varied reactions from the young and somewhat bemused audience.

Eddy’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates, reflecting the film before them. “My brother always told me different.”

Nazz filed her nails lazily. “Ppshaw. Been there, done that.”

Her boyfriend, Kevin, was enthralled. “Joyce!” came his trademark remark.

Double D shrunk in a corner of the room behind all the other students. How much he wished to return to his PG13 Shakespearian fantasies. “Oh my…”

*

Once the film had ended, Eddy’s brother reluctantly returned to the room, wheeling in a tray carrying sacks of flour. Goodness knew what he wanted the students to do with them. “Ok everyone,” he began in a commanding, superior manner, “now that you’ve delved slightly into the world of consummated marriage, we’re going to pair you guys and force you to look after sacks of flour for the week.”

Double D, whiter than white, paler than the most frightened ghoul, raised his hand timidly. “I assume that partners are not discriminated according to the grades in which they are placed due to their biological age?”

“Nah!” Eddy’s brother shrugged and chucked Double D a flour sack, which he just caught in his trembling arms. Double D was about to double over with the flour sack’s weight when Sarah caught him quickly by the shoulders. Her head barely reached his shoulders, but she received him steadily and effortlessly. This gave Double D time to question his own strength.

“You okay?” she asked casually, positioning him upright.

Double D flushed with surprise and stammered something that could have been an unintelligible “thank you”.

Eddy perched his head on his brother’s shoulder, a halo deceptively placed upon his brow, his eyes glimmering with hope. “Hey bro…since I’m your fave bro, you can pair me with Nazz, right?”

Eddy’s brother grinned smugly and pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “Since you’re my ‘lil’ pipsqueak…you get to go with Ed.”

Ed popped up between them, flour sack secure in his arms. “HOORAY!”

Eddy grimaced. This wasn’t going right at all.



Chapter 2

Kevin was always on the receiving end. He knew from the moment that he and Nazz had been given a flour sack he would be fulfilling all of its necessities. Ever since they had entered high school, she had changed dramatically. Of course, she had inherited a few ‘endowments’ due to her mother’s lovely genes, but it seemed with obtaining these new things, she had lost a considerable amount of brain. Sure, she was gorgeous, the head cheerleader, most popular and experienced girl in school, but it sometimes got to him that she felt no obligation to help him whenever he agreed to have her as a partner for projects. The current situation was no exception.

“Err, Nazz…” Kevin panted, sweating profusely as he attempted to haul the flour sack and all the baby items Nazz had been inclined to buy for their new ‘bundle of joy’. “Do you think…you could help out a bit?”

Nazz looked at him as if he’d insulted her. She filed her nails as she always did when they weren’t showing affection for each other. “No way, Kevin!” she admonished him, her filing obviously a fine art. “You’re the breadwinner and the supporter! If I’ve just given up my figure in order to produce your child, I’ve got to exercise to retain my figure…and you raise the baby.”

At that moment something snapped in Kevin. His blood was at pressure point as a vein throbbed in his temple. He squeezed the flour sack tightly and it exploded all around him, dousing him in white powder. He glared at her beneath his snow-white cap. “That’s it! If you’re not gonna pull your weight around here –”

Nazz placed her hands on her hips haughtily. “Oh, whatever, ghost boy! I have absolutely no weight to pull. We’re so over.” She made an indignant ‘humph’ sound and strutted off.

“Totally agree. See ya ‘round!” Kevin yelled after her as he turned and stalked off, flour sifting off him in blankets.

*

Sarah forced herself to smile as her friend, Jimmy, spoke at the highest octave possible as he rambled joyfully about his recent accomplishments. He was a feminine boy of twelve, having skipped a grade due to being born in a year. He had a pale blond perm and large, watery blue eyes. Some suspected there were reasons why he was often mistaken for a girl. It hadn’t bothered Sarah until recently, though.

In the past, Sarah had been given the unofficial role of becoming Jimmy’s de fact bodyguard. However, since she her mother had forced her to take up karate in order to find a healthier outlet for her rage, she had become much more mellow. She didn’t find much reason to be mad anymore. As a result, Jimmy seemed to have found his own backbone despite remaining feminine.

Jimmy continued to blather oblivious to his friend’s wandering thoughts. “Oh, isn’t this wonderful, Sarah? I made it on the Homecoming Committee! We’re thinking of making the prom a romantic theme. Do you think people will like “Shades of Pink”?”

“Sure, why not.” Sarah held the flour sack firmly in her arms, feigning yet another smile. Her eyes trailed across the heads of the cafeteria before they rested on the black and white-stripped beanie that her brother’s friend, Double D, wore almost religiously. She recalled how they had suddenly become partners in their sex ed. class. It was such a surreal concept, but someone out there must have favored her.

“Yes, Sarah, and I’ve been meaning to ask you something…huh? Did you need to borrow some lunch-money from your brother?” Jimmy was looking over at Eds, noticing that Sarah was staring in their general direction.

Sarah looked away quickly and shook her head quietly.

*

Amongst the hustle-and-bustle of the cafeteria, no one noticed as Eddy growled and sunk his fist into his and Ed’s flour sack. “Damn sack!”

“Be careful with that sack!” Double D exclaimed, brushing invisible dust off the sack. “Ed perfected a replica of the Mona Lisa on it!”

Eddy slumped into his seat and mused over his sandwich. “: Yeah, whatever. I gotta use this thing for somethin’…well, I will think of somethin’, ‘cos that’s me: the notorious Captain Class Clown!” He posed dramatically, imagining a big flag with the golden insignia “C.C.C” splashed brightly on a blue background.

“Infamous in your own world, I’m sure.” There was the Sockhead’s putdown.

“Shut up,” Eddy grumbled, taking a grudging bite into his food and munching slowly.

Suddenly Johnny came gallivanting forward, bumping people aside, Plank balanced on his shoulders. “Yee haw! Plank’s the best Quarterback ever!” He abruptly bumped his bulbous head into the Eds’ table and stood up, ignoring the suspicious swell on his cranium.

“What do you want, Johnny?” Eddy grumbled.

“Eddy! Didja hear? Huh? Plank got on the Football team!” Johnny brandished Plank, revealing his new endowment of standardized football padding. “I can’t wait for the prom!”

Eddy looked sullen. “So what? I ain’t goin’.”

“I’m planning to go unescorted,” Double D said matter-of-factly. “I tend to find most girls around here frivolous. Why, you should do the same.”

Eddy leaned on the flour sack. “No way, I won’t go at all!”

Double D persisted. “You would be making a statement of your independence.”

Eddy was irate. “Like “Eddy’s a loser who can’t get any”!!”

“But, there’s nothing wrong with not…”

Johnny interjected. “Oh yeah, Eddy! Rumor has it that Kevin and Nazz have split.”

That got their attention. “You serious?” Eddy murmured.

“Right from the splinter’s mouth! Gotta run!” With that, Johnny and Plank were gone.

Double D had folded his arms, looking unimpressed. “My, I didn’t see that one coming,” he said sarcastically.

Ed grinned daftly. “It is the nature of the seesaw, Double D.”

“Thank you, Ed,” Double D looked towards the ceiling. “They do break up every other week.”

Eddy couldn’t believe his friends’ lack of enthusiasm! “But do you know what this means? Nazz is free for the takin’!”

Double D quirked an eyebrow. “Do you honestly think that Nazz would go out with you?” He realized that Eddy was glaring at him and continued in a cautious tone, “Besides, are you even able to breathe a word to her without your tongue literally lacing into a multitude of knots?”

“What are ya talkin’ about?” Eddy exclaimed. “I’m a babe magnet!”

“Hi Eddy,” came the soft, sultry voice of their grade’s goddess.

Eddy found his tongue literally tied into at least three knots. “Gurg ughf!”

“I was wondering, do you have a date for the prom?”

“Ureggh fgharfgh.”

“Awesome! Talk to you later.” She blew a kiss and sauntered off.

Double D’s cheeks were tinged a pale pink, his eyes wide with disbelief. “That was highly unexpected.”

Ed promptly nudged Eddy hard in the ribs, wagging his eyebrows. “Click-click! You’ve just buttered her toast, Eddy!”

Double D and Eddy gave him looks of horror. “DON’T SAY IT THAT WAY!”

Like Ed had always been, (hopelessly and utterly distracted) he ran towards Kevin, who appeared to have been hitting on Lee (“Hey Lee, I dig your passes.” “What’s it to ya?”). “KEVIN WILL CATCH KANKER-CUDIES! ED MUST SAVE FOOTBALL TEAMMATE KEVIN!” Ed lifted Kevin, who wasn’t much taller than Ed was and, started galloping towards the cafeteria exit.

Rolf stared after them, nonplussed. “One-Brow Ed-Boy is really grating on Kevin’s nerves, yo. It musn’t be easy to have Ed-Boy on the football team.” He and Marie were holding hands and discussing basketball techniques.

Marie grinned, her blue hair in the typical “emo” style. “Yeah, it’s kind of amusing how he uses his head to tackle to competition. I can’t believe we were so caught up in those guys.”

She looked over at her sister, May, who was standing in the cafeteria line. May had discovered the miracles that was makeup and plucked eyebrows and had scored herself a place in the cheerleading squad. It really built up her self-confidence. Marie was happy for her sister, although they were prone to bashing each other senseless on occasion.

“What are you dorkin’ about, Dork?!” Kevin roared, jumping down from Ed’s hands and shoving him off. His flaming red hair was a mess around his flustered features, a vein was pulsating in his temple. “I’m tryin’ to get to home base here!”

“But I am the vigilante, the savior of all boy-kind…and Lee has a bad perm.” Ed seemed to have lost his trail of thought as he smiled stupidly.

Kevin twisted his cap backwards and stalked back to Lee. “King of the Dorks, more like…So Lee, about those passes…”

At witnessing the scene, Double D pulled a face and concluded, “Kevin’s tastes seem to have fallen a few octaves lower since the breakup.”

Eddy was just plain revolted, poking his tongue out in distaste. “Geez, even Lee deserves better than that jerk.”

*

It was a couple of hours after school as Eddy and Ed hung around in Eddy’s room listening to old Tom Jones on the record player. Eddy was bored out of his brains, sitting on his bed, tapping his foot in time with the music. Ed kept popping his head around and under the bed. The left. The right. Right through the mattress, creating a hole as springs poked their sharp heads out and made Eddy fall onto his head on the floor. Just as Eddy was about to pummel a euphoric Ed, there was a knock at the door.

Double D poked his hatted head through the door, looking confused. “Eddy? I thought you were in detention after school.”

Eddy shrugged, gesturing for Double D to come in. “Me and Ed decided to skip it. Not the first time…and besides, I get enough hell from my brother in every class.”

Double D nodded knowingly, his lips pressed firmly together. “I was going to ask…do you know why your brother insists on tutoring every class in the school? I wonder if its even feasibly possible for him to tutor separate classes that run at the same time!”

Eddy raised an eyebrow, arms folded as he leant against the remnants of his bed. “Get over it.”

Covered in Eddy’s shag-pile rug, Ed careened forward into the two other boys and landed on top of them with a guffaw. “I am spaghetti, Eddy! Hey guys! Ed needs a date!”

“So get one, Lumpy!” Eddy exclaimed, throwing off Ed who laughed with conjecture. He dusted himself off as he continued, “I mean, I do have a lot of girls after me, but I don’t think I can get them to go with you.”

Double D rolled his eyes, smirking. “Come now, don’t be too generous.”

Eddy nodded his head in agreement, looking confident. “Yeah, you’re right. You don’t deserve ‘em.”

“What about you, Double D?” Ed asked, grinning wickedly.

Double D flushed slightly. “Well, I really don’t think…”

“Actually, you DO think…way too much.” Eddy sat on his chair backwards and faced them. “I’m goin’ with Nazz…let’s see anyone beat that.”

“This isn’t a contest,” Double D said waspishly.

Heh, he was just jealous that Eddy had scored the best dame in school. “Remember that time Sarah had a crush on you? Hahaha! Maaan, Double D! You’ll be a real “40-Year-Old Virgin”!”

“Hahahaha!” Ed chimed, his jaw dropping with laughter. “Eddy’s a virgin!”

Eddy growled angrily and dived towards his bumbling friend.

Double D watched the two as they formed a large sphere of dust, a thoughtful look on his face.



Chapter 3

Before school started the next morning, Double D had found himself conversing with Sarah as they discussed plans for their sack child-substitute. Sarah still carried a piece of toast in her palm as they walked towards the school premises. It was an odd conversation, as Double D spun off into a multitude of complicated language and intelligent banter. Sarah responded with a half-hearted smile, and Double D remembered that she was only 14. He didn’t understand the twinge of guilt that gripped his stomach at that moment.

Sarah sighed resignedly. “You’re really smart…I wish I were.”

Double D had the sack tucked safely in his arms. He regarded her kindly. “We all have our own unique forms of intelligence, Sarah.”

“Haha!” Ed tittered as he ran right in front of their path and bashed headlong into a tree.

Double D cleared his throat, thankful for a prime example. “For instance, Ed’s intelligence is partial and erratic. It shows itself at the most inappropriate times, yet never fails to amaze us…although one may question if it be the logical or artistic sides of the brain.” He then proceeded to wave at his tall, hulking friend. “Hello, Ed!”

Ed turned around and looked at them, his eyes widening with a instantaneous horror. “Double D, what’re you doin’ with Sarah? Quick, I’ll distract her, RUUUUUUNNNNN!!” He wheeled around and ran away himself.

Double D and Sarah stared after him in confusion. They caught each other’s gaze and stifled a laugh.

“Yes! A prime specimen, indeed!” Double D exclaimed cordially.

Sarah grinned, nodding slowly. “Mmhmm! That’s my brother.”


“Yes, and comparatively, on the other hand, there is Nazz…” Double D came to an abrupt halt, the flour sack wilting in his arms as his grip tightened. “Nazz?” he murmured, his face turning beet-red.

Nazz, with her blonde hair swaying past her shoulders, sauntered over to them with one hand on her hip, and twisting a strand of hair with the other. As she approached them, she smiled coyly. “Hey, Double D. Have you seen Eddy around?”

Double D felt his pores open up to the threatening disposition of sweating profusely. “Ermm, no…actually, I’m engaged with a task that requires my full attention at the moment. If you’ll excuse me.” He held the sack firmly and stiffly walked away.

Sarah frowned as Nazz acknowledged the affect she had had on Double D (albeit a twittering giggle). Nazz nodded her head slightly at Sarah and walked on. Sarah huffed impatiently and followed quickly after Double D who seemed to have a gift for speed walking. “Why does everyone drool over her?” she asked herself bitterly.

“Sarah!” Jimmy ran up to her, catching his breath. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over. I wanted you to meet the new student, Kuki Sanban!”

Sarah swiveled around to come face-to-face with a tall Asian beauty with sleek dark hair reaching her knees, a tiny pleated skirt and a large bust. Sarah felt positively short and plain compared to her. “Nani?” the girl squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

“She’s from Japan!” Jimmy said helpfully.

Sarah shrugged vaguely. “I could kinda tell.”

Jimmy nodded ecstatically. “She’s going to be on the Cheerleading Squad! Isn’t she wonderful!” He grabbed Kuki by the hand and they skipped off together.

It took Sarah a little time to register what had happened. She watched the fleeting backs of Jimmy and Kuki, and felt a pang of sadness.

*

The first two periods had gone by in a blur as Double D was still monitoring the absurd beating of his heart. He was thankful that recess had come, a time for contemplation and reflection. It was amazing that he didn’t feel like reading. He sat behind a tree, clutching his sack, his face still warm from that morning.

“Why must I be so nervous? So unprecedented?” he asked himself, staring up into the thick plumage of the tree, the sun casting its mottled light between the leaves, creating small glowing patches over his form. He replayed the morning in his mind and realized that he had run off without Sarah. He grimaced. That had been incredibly rude on his part. He wondered and worried if she was mad at him. It had not been a deliberate action, but he had been so nervous around Nazz. But what did he find so alluring about her? She was an empty-headed girl with a lot of fans. Was he one of them?

His thoughts were cut off abruptly as Eddy ran up to him and clutched at his shirt, looking horrified. “Sockhead! You gotta hide me! She’s drivin’ me nuts! She keeps stroking my arm, grinnin’ them pearly whites, battin’ her big blue eyes –”

“Oh, Eddy!” called Nazz’s voice.

“ARGH!” Eddy squawked and jumped and hid under Double D’s beanie.

“Oh, hey Double D,” Nazz said, twirling her hair around a finger as she approached him. “Are you sure you haven’t seen Eddy? I think he’s playing hard-to-get.”

Double D was feeling flustered and more disgruntled at Eddy under his beanie, (which was obviously large, misshapen and quivering) than he was nervous about Nazz speaking to him. “Yes,” he said shortly, “I am quite sure I haven’t.”

“See you ’round,” Nazz cooed and strode off, her hips swaying suggestively as she went.

“Eddy! Do you mind?” Double D pulled Eddy out from under his beanie and adjusted his hat. “Why must you insist on being so pretentious? Nazz seems to like you, and how many years have the best of us longed to be in her good grace?”

Eddy brushed him off, looking superior. “You don’t get it, you could never know what it’s like to have a girl constantly drooling all-over you.”

Double D folded his arms, grumbling.

Eddy looked frantic once again, groping his hands in desperation. “I can’t even use this for my reputation! She’s scarin’ me, man!”

Double D shrugged his shoulders, eyeing Eddy seriously. “If you really feel that way, then you’ve simply to tell her.”

Eddy paused for a second, staring at Double D thoughtfully. A smug grin spread across his pointed features. “Nah…I think she’ll get the idea. I’ll let her down easy. She’s a good girl.”

“Hey, Eddy!”

“ARGH! It’s her!” Eddy cried, running for his life.

Ed appeared before Double D, hugging his and Eddy’s sack absentmindedly. “Hahaha! Ed is scary, Double D!” He then took on a serious look, his index finger erect. “This reminds me of the time when Doctor Dufus surprised CatFace Girl in the #345th issue of Breedmania Comics. A very fine issue, indeed.”

Double D groaned, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why is it you are amazing at memorizing comic issues and yet fail the simplest of mathematical equations?”

Ed didn’t respond at first, his eyes focused in opposite directions. “One plus one equals one in a bun! Haha!”

Double D gawked at him.

Ed chortled and hugged the sack tightly. “You need to study harder, young Skywalker Sir. Yeppum!”

*

Nazz had managed to corner Eddy, and was currently pinning him against a locker, her eyes narrowed wickedly. “Come on, Eddy. We should practice kissing and play the part!” With that, she brought her face forward and forced her lips on his.

Eddy didn’t know whether to be pleased or terrified; he had never kissed anyone before. Nazz was rather fervent with her actions; too, he thought he could feel her tongue…His eyes widened in realization.

Suddenly Nazz was ripped away from Eddy, and now Kevin was pinning Eddy against the locker, with no intention of kissing him. “Whatcha doin’, dork?”

“Kevin, please!” Nazz said boorishly, pushing Kevin away and picking up Eddy as if he were a baby. “You’re just jealous because I’ve got an awesome hot boyfriend and you don’t.” She sauntered off, cradling Eddy in her arms.

Kevin swore under his breath. “I ain’t crushin’ on no dork!” he yelled after her, as people turned and looked at him. Some people giggled at how suspicious he sounded. He swore again and stalked off. A spin on his motorbike ought to cheer him up. He managed to persuade Lee to hop on as well. He didn’t like to absence of a chick-riding behind him as the wind rushed past his ears.

*

It wasn’t long until Jimmy had introduced Kuki, the new Japanese transfer student, to everyone. Of course, the Eds were the last to find out, by that point they couldn’t care less about her, with the exception the Double D encouraged them to humor Jimmy to make him happy. Eddy complied grudgingly, whilst Ed couldn’t care either way.

“This is Kuki!” Jimmy said for perhaps the hundredth time that afternoon.

Kuki regarded Eddy and her almond-shaped eyes lit up like Christmas lights. “You are uber kawaii desu ne!”

“Who you callin’ ugly, Cookie-Crumb?” Eddy cried irately.

Kuki turned to Double D. She looked at the flour sack in his arms, at his puzzled expression, and her eyes widened considerably as she clasped her hands to her face and squealed. “Your child is ultra heart-attack kawaii desu!”

Double D held the sack awkwardly, smiling faintly. “Why, thank you…Kuki…kun,” he managed. His Japanese had never been very good.

Kuki leaned forward, her rather large bust squishing firmly between her arms. “Hehe, I’m not a boy, silly.”

Double D couldn’t help but notice…his face overheated. “Why no, I can see that you are not.”

Thankfully no one seemed to notice his wandering eyes as Jimmy exclaimed, “Kuki’s the smartest in the school! She gets straight As ‘cos she’s from Japan.”

Double D wasn’t so sure about that, he felt compelled to correct the younger boy. “Actually, Jimmy, your derivation does not determine your intellect. My grades have exceeded the results of everyone in the entire state.”

Jimmy stuck out his jaw and scowled. “Humph! She’s better at fashion than you!” He grabbed Kuki by the wrist and dragged her away.

Kuki waved and blew kisses. “Sayonara, bishonen-kuns!”

Eddy grumbled, his arms folded like a spoiled brat. “What a ho-bag. She called me ugly. Can you believe it?!”

“Yes I can!” Ed laughed.

Eddy growled at him threateningly.

*

“Well, we’ve certainly done an outstanding job,” Double D said, smiling as he and Sarah handed in the flour sack child to Eddy’s brother. Compared to Eddy and Ed’s (whose Mona Lisa face was smeared, and with a bite in the top), their sack was in pristine condition, and perhaps the top of the class.

“I do believe we’ll receive quite a good mark. I’ve got some studying to do, take care!” Double D waved feebly and headed towards the library, his haven, his home.

Sarah watched him leave with a sad smile.



Chapter 4

It was the final quarter of football, and Peach Creek was in full swing, ahead of the opposing team by three points. The star quarterback, Plank, kept tripping everyone over. His being a piece of wood seemed to neutralize all of the penalties, and Kevin knew he did not regret having chosen the splintered block for his team.

Johnny was waving his arms wildly, cheering on his wooden friend. “Yeah! Go Plank!”

Ed was busy ramming random members of the opposing team in the stomach with his thick head. He found it highly amusing.

Lee Kanker, her bright red perm curling out from under her helmet, thrust her right foot and sent the football flying over the goals. The bell sounded and the crowd cheered. Kevin watched, enthralled. “Joyce!” he spluttered before getting hit in the head by the football.

Nazz, May Kanker and Kuki were flailing their pompoms in joy, jumping and performing summersaults at the team’s victory. “Yeah! Go team, go!” they cried in unison.

Jimmy, who was clad in a skirt (as they had run out of the male uniform) did a back-flip and landed upright, cheering. “Yeah, right on, sista!” he cheered, and spotted his friend in the bleaches. “Hi Sarah!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, waving frantically so that no one could miss who he was referring to.

Several people in the audience turned to look at Sarah curiously. Sarah buried her face in her hands, wishing she would disappear. Her mother had sternly told her to attend the football match, despite Sarah’s protests. Her mother had told her that she needed to support her friends no matter what they pursued. But her mother didn’t realize the implications of embarrassment, and what about how Sarah felt?

Jimmy was currently sharing a friendship rendezvous with Kuki, who seemed to be Sarah’s superior in all ways imaginable. She was kind, beautiful, she was good at maths, science, art, literature (Sarah’s favorite subject!), she had a repertoire of martial arts under her belt and she even played the piano, the flute and the guitar! It seemed as though the new transfer student had no limitations and Sarah had realized that she wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if Kuki expose yet another talent of hers.

Sarah looked across the stadium, searching the faces of people who cheered with joy or bellowed with dissatisfaction at Peach Creek’s victory. Her eyes stopped upon a tall, wispy boy, his face stuffed between the pages of a book. Amidst the myriad of flailing arms, she felt a sense of amity towards that boy. The fact that he seemed so far away made her eyes sting.

*

Double D read through his entire personal library through the night, classical music blaring in his ears through the headphones in an attempt to drown out the angry, lashing tongues of his arguing parents. He read every single word on the pages, yet there were moments when he picked up on a scant cuss or spiteful word littered in the cornucopia of the written word and lyrical song.

A small tear dropped onto the page he was reading, obscuring some of the printed letters, and soaking through to the next page. Double D hastily wiped his eyes with the corner of his sleeve and continued reading, reading, reading.

*

With a comically large magnifying glass in one hand and a small container in the other, Double D was busy scoping out insects for his personal collection; a formidable distraction from the yelling of his parents that had plagued his mind all day. Earlier on he had wondered, what had precluded to such an onslaught of verbal warfare in his own home? His family had always been so structured, so tidy and proper. The reality that not all aspects of the family were perfect was rather upsetting and seemed to cause his obsessive habits to be even more inherently repetitive. He would check the locks an extra time when he locked up the house at night, he would brush his teeth an extra time, he would count stones along the sidewalk twice in a row, afraid that he had missed some.

It was as if he wanted to align everything else in his life that he had some control over. However, with insects, he did not feel compelled to count them or wash them, but rather observe them and their peculiar activities.

The sun was setting over the canopy of trees in the park, casting an orange hue across the uneven grounds and shimmering playground equipment. The beetles and other crawling organisms glistened in the sun’s rays like so many jewels with twitchy legs. How he cherished them and their complexly structured exoskeletons and lack of human traits. He would never be judged by such precise, directed creatures.

“Here insects, insects…sweet, miniscule arthropods…hmm?” The size of Double D’s brown eye was intensified ten-fold as he spotted a small, vulnerable-looking Sarah sitting at the swing set, alone. Her head was bowed in a mournful way, her feet skidding aimlessly at the dirt ground. Never had he seen her look so off-guard. For, on occasion in the years gone by, she would never be afraid to state when she was the slightest bit agitated by one’s actions. Now she seemed open to attack.

Double D lowered his magnifying glass and pondered out loud. “I wonder if I should…” However, his feet spoke for him as they brought him forward to stand beside Sarah. All insects were gone from his mind as he studied the young girl, who hadn’t seemed to register his presence. “Hello, Sarah,” he initiated quietly.

Sarah raised her head slowly and for a brief moment their eyes met. She had a listless look on her face and lowered her head once more, her green eyes downcast. “Oh…Hey,” she responded noncommittally.

Double D stood there for several moments contemplating whether he should sit down. Before he realized, he had sat on the swing alongside her, resting his elbows on his knees, regarding her with a calm expression. “Are you okay?”

Sarah looked up, not at him, but into the sunset sky. Her eyes seemed to become a little glazed. She was holding back tears. “Heh. Remember when we were kids and I used to bash you guys up for always making those stupid scams?”

“Yes,” he said, coughing politely, “fond memories.” He hoped to cheer her up.

Sarah half-smiled and tilted her head to the side so that a wavy curtain of flaming hair rested on her shoulder. She blinked back tears, but some caught between her long lashes and she sighed. “I was always so mean, and maybe certain people deserved certain things.” Her mouth set firmly and she swallowed. “But lately…lately…I don’t like who I am, or who I was.”

Double D watched her intently, his gaze searching her eyes although they did not look directly at him. She seemed so forlorn. She was trying not to cry, to redeem her tough façade. But he was open to her, and he wanted to let her know. “What’s on your mind?” he asked quietly. “You can tell me.”

When she spoke, it was barely audible, as if a whisper from the heart. “I can’t relate to Jimmy anymore…It’s so painful to say, but we don’t connect like before and I…I don’t enjoy his company and yet I miss the time we spent together. It’s like we’ve fallen apart and it really, really hurts.” She gulped down a lump in her throat and wiped her eyes frantically, not wishing for him to see. “I think we’re too different to understand each other now…and I don’t want it that way.”

He smiled softly, brushing his fingers gently on her shoulder. “People change, Sarah.”

This made Sarah snap her head up and stare at him, her gaze bleary.

Double D wrapped his hands around the swing chains and scuffed his sneakers in the dust. “I still enjoy Ed and Eddy’s company, but I find that we cannot relate in things like studying or reading. There have been times where they’ve made me so mad that I could literally cry. But at the end of the day, they are still my friends. And although differences seem to be inevitable, they make our friendship interesting, I suppose.” He looked at her kindly. “And, even if it seems that you and Jimmy have drifted apart a little, and despite subtle changes in both of your characters, I’m sure he still cares for you a lot…” He looked at her obliquely, “like many others.”

Sarah blinked back tears, her lips trembling slightly as she seemed to calm down. “I guess.”

There was a long pause that reached a crescendo with the watery chuckle of a girl who was trying to compose herself. Her entire countenance seemed to have changed, and she seemed to exude a serenity that he could not quite place. But she was looking at him fully now, her eyes a little red, but her composure balanced.

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes shining with honesty.

Double D saw that sweet smile and something in him started whirring, like a cog long dormant. His throat became irrevocably dry, his eyes widened considerably, his cheeks reddened like tomatoes and his voice became high and frantic as he twiddled his fingers together. He didn’t know if it was appropriate to say, but he said it anyway; straight off the top of his head and into his mouth. “Erm, Sarah…if you don’t have anyone to go with to the dance, perhaps you and I…”

“I’d like that,” she said instantly, her smile broadening. She wiped her eyes quickly and chuckled melodically.

Double D felt his stomach do a particularly daring summersault and felt his lips tug into a lopsided grin. He couldn’t describe the elation he felt at that moment, as all his worries at home seemed to subside.

“Double D? What’re you doin’ with the brat?” Came a snarl from behind them. The two teenagers whipped their heads around to see Eddy and Ed hanging over the fence of the playground. “Come ‘ere!” Eddy squawked indignantly, hanging his arms over the railing.

“Run from the Demon Child of the Netherworld!” Ed chorused, flapping his arms like spaghetti.

Double D bit his lower lip with a serious glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I must take my leave.” He touched Sarah’s shoulder lightly, perhaps unconsciously, before standing and walking towards his friends.

Sarah watched them leave with a feeling of disbelief and glee. She touched her face with her hands and wondered if all of it had really happened.

*

Double D followed his friends quietly as they led him to the roof of the school. The sun had almost set in the sky, but they were planning to hang around for quite some time. Double D didn’t question their motives as he helped them construct a mechanism that would enable them to undergo yet another scheme. It had been a while since they had attempted to pull a prank, and the current idea seemed a little rusty to Double D. His thoughts about his parents, his thoughts about Sarah, seemed to melt away as he concentrated on the task at hand.

“My best scam yet!” Eddy sniggered, setting up a cardboard cutout of a person. “Ed, you’re gettin’ really good at drawing.”

Ed grinned dumbly. “Ed gets As in Art. Nothing else. Hahaha!”

Double D remained stagnant, looking at the final design, stroking his chin. “Gentlemen, this is…lacking originality on every imaginable level.”

“Shut up,” Eddy groused. “You’re good for makin’ the thing look real. The arm wavin’, the voice box…pure genius. I’m such a genius!”

“Yes, if you must have your moment…” Double D muttered, clapping his hands slowly. “Very good, Eddy.”

Eddy preened, not realizing the sarcastic tone present in Double D’s voice.

Suddenly, Ed started laughing sporadically and tackled the cardboard cutout, smudging its face. Eddy ran forward and started punching him in the gut, to which Ed didn’t seem to register and continued laughing.

Double D picked up the cardboard cutout in an attempt to salvage it. He grimaced in disgust; it looked ghastly. “Oh dear. His face has been violated…it’s indistinguishable. Who was this again?”

Eddy let go of Ed, who had sported a shiny black eye. “Jesse McCartney, that loser…but hey, whatever sells.”

Double D rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing his hands. “I really should be getting back. My parents will be wondering where I am.”

“Pfft. It’s not like they’re ever home, anyway!” Eddy said offhandedly, folding his arms. “Your main source of communication is post-it notes, I swear.”

Double D felt a jolt of anger. It must have shown too, because Eddy was looking apprehensively at him, his arms loose at his sides.

“Chill, Sockhead!” Eddy said nervously. “What gives?”

Double D ran a hand slowly down his face and sighed, collapsing onto his backside with defeat. Eddy seemed to sense his disdain and sat tentatively beside him. Ed seemed to get the message and did the same. They were quiet for a moment before anyone spoke.

“You alright, buddy?” Eddy asked quietly, placing a hand on Double D’s shoulder.

Double D felt the back of his eyes sting. He had almost forgotten that, in the midst of the slack-jawed jeering and joking, Eddy was one of his best friends. He saw the hint of concern in his short friend’s eyes and felt like crying. Ed looked worried as well, his mouth small and round.

“My parents…aren’t exactly sharing harmonious strings of communication, at the moment,” Double D stammered. It was an effort to speak at that time, a lump forming in the back of his throat. “I’m a little…no, very afraid that they might…get divorced.”

Eddy’s frown deepened. “Aw man, that sucks. So like, do you know what it’s about?”

Double D shook his head weakly. “I’ve been so intent on blocking out their yells that I don’t even know what it’s about. You were right before, I barely even speak to them face-to-face. The only time I really hear their voices is at night, and even then…even then, I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Aw, Double D!” Ed gasped quietly, looking really sad. “I’m sure they really love you, still!” He leaned forward, hugging his Mona Lisa sack comfortingly. He had been unable to part with it. “Sarah and my parents divorced ages ago and at first I thought it was all my fault. But they said that no matter what, they still loved me and it wasn’t my fault. I was scared that Sarah and me would be split up, but we weren’t. It was hard, but it gets easier to deal with as time passes.”

Double D had forgotten that Ed and Sarah’s parents had divorced. He had been so young that he couldn’t remember. Ultimately, Ed knew…Sarah would know how he felt. They were, perhaps, some of the wisest words Ed would ever splurge during his momentary brain spasms.

“Thank you, guys,” Double D sighed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. “Sometimes I forget that I can talk to you about these things. But I’m glad I can. I suppose that, no matter what happens, it will be for the best.”

Eddy nodded encouragingly. “Yeah, yeah! It’ll all be for the best.”

Double D smiled sadly. “It will be hard, but in time I think I could accept…my, I really should speak with my parents.” He sighed once more. “It’s been such a long time since we conversed on a meaningful level.”

Ed and Eddy nodded and said in unison, “Go for it!”

“Oh,” Double D stuttered in realization, cursing his senseless outlets. “I asked Sarah to the dance.” He always spoke out-loud. Perhaps he traded his common sense for academic supremacy. He prepared for the thrashing of a lifetime, holding down his beanie in ill anticipation.

“What?!” Eddy cried, gawking at Double D as if he were insane. After recollecting his thoughts, he seemed to shrug half-heartedly. “Ah, well, no big. I’m goin’ with Nazz anyway!”

Ed chuckled resignedly. “Haha, you got taste, pal!”

Double D was surprised. “You’re not a resentful elder brother looking out to seek vengeance against your former best friend for having slighted you in an ultimate act of betrayal for having asked your sister to the dance?” he asked timidly.

Ed hadn’t seemed to notice him, but was rather staring off into space, a bit of saliva seeping at the corner of his mouth. Double D groaned, rolling his eyes. There wasn’t a dilemma after all. For once, his friends were acting…almost civil? Maybe he was rubbing off on them after all these years.

“Hey, Sockhead! Get movin’ already. I’m tired!” Eddy snapped and made an irritated sound.

Double D smiled to himself. Perhaps they hadn’t become civil. As they hopped off the roof and started back towards the cul-de-sac, Double D felt genuine thanks for his two best friends. He hoped that they could be friends for always.



Chapter 5

Double D was smiling the next morning. After a long and meaningful conversation with his parents the previous evening, he understood what the situation was about. They had been fighting over how they could afford his college fees. It was only two years until he would be off to college somewhere in another state. They had been concerned about his well-being. He vowed to take a full-time job during the summer to put some of their worries at ease.

Eddy, Ed and himself walked down the corridor towards their English class. They passed by Sarah who was walking on her own. However, she too was smiling. Double D and Sarah exchanged a shy grin and continued on their way, knowing a special something had been shared between them.

*

Sarah walked home with a smile playing on her lips as she walked alongside Jimmy and Kuki, who were lively with discussion about the upcoming prom. Jimmy turned to Sarah, noticed her smile and poked her on the arm. “You look happy today, Sarah. It must be something good!”

Sarah nodded and smiled at him. “Someone asked me to the dance.”

Jimmy felt a strange pang of jealousy. “Who?” he asked carefully.

“Oh…Double D,” Sarah responded absentmindedly and didn’t notice as she walked ahead of them, watching the streaks of cloud undulating in the sky.

Jimmy frowned after her.

“Daijoubu, Jimmy-kun?” Kuki piped up.

“Yes, I’m just fine, Kuki-chan,” Jimmy muttered, deep in thought.


*

It was the night of the dance, and students from all the grades were piling up at the entrance, anticipating the “Shades of Pink” theme suggested by the new homecoming committee staff member, Jimmy.

Headlights shown on the top of the dance hall, illuminating a short silhouette waving its arms, while one of Jesse McCartney’s hit songs, “Beautiful Soul” played in the background and echoed out into the night. In actuality, the short silhouette was Eddy, undergoing another one of his schemes. “Come one, come all!” he bellowed. “Jesse McCartney is here! Only 50 bucks to talk to his Majesty of Pop…come line up, ladies, don’t be shy! Jesse McCartney is for the takin’, autographs and a song poem just for you!”

Double D watched the spectacle from below in the crowds, folding his arms and grinning smugly. “I highly doubt anyone carries that much money at a dance.”

However, the scheme seemed to be rather successful, as the crowd was a gallivanting stampede of rabid, love struck girls, shrieking “JESSE MCCARTNEY!” at the top of their lungs.

Oddly enough, the Principal Professor was floundering his arms about like the girls. He had his black hair slicked back on his square-shaped head, donned in a white laboratory coat. “JESSE MCCARTNEY! EEEEE!!” he cried, pushing his way through to the front of the crowd and anticipating an autograph. The girls gave him strange looks, so he composed himself. “Ahem. I mean, err…I need to get these for my three daughters. They’re real fans.” He coughed politely and regard the autograph. “Wait a minute, this is faux. EDWARD!”

The Eds responded automatically: “Yes, sir?”

“What is the meaning of this?” the Principal demanded, flapping the autograph above their heads.

Double D cleared his throat, attempting to stay calm. “Well, sir, Eddy proposed...” He clasped his hands together, got on his knees and begged. “I had absolutely nothing to do with this! I lack the innate malignance that manifests into such atrocious behavior! It is not in my blood!”

“That’s what they all say,” the Principal said offhandedly, much to Double D’s disdain. “Now, you will all be receiving a detention…tomorrow! Report to my office after school…tomorrow!” He paused, scratched his nose and pushed his way out of the crowd as it slowly dispersed, oozing into the dance hall.

“Wait-ta-go, Sock Head!” Eddy roared, swatting at Double D’s beanie. He was decked out in a tacky sky blue suit and frilly white tie.

Double D was incensed. “Eddy, this has gone too far! This was initially your idea and still I harbor the blame!”

Ed interjected. “A slice of pie goes three-ways, Eddy.”

“Shut it, Lumpy! Let’s go dance.” Eddy spotted Nazz and his tongue tied into several knots. “Fdhfdhueruer!”

Nazz was dressed in a revealing halter-top, mini skirt and pumps. Several other guys looked on in envy as she snatched Eddy’s collar and began dragging him around the corner of the hall. “Come on, Eddy, let’s go make out somewhere!”

“Meet my date, Double D!” Ed said distractedly, brandishing an abnormally big submarine sandwich dripping with goopy sause. “It is meatball supreme! She’s from France…” He winked and walked off into the hall.

“My, how exotic,” Double D breathed, “I’ll leave you two alone…” He looked around for Sarah, but she was first to approach him. His jaw went slack as she came up to him with her hair splayed flat about her shoulders, and her small frame hugged by a simple white gown. Her green eyes were liquid pools of song, and he suddenly felt drab in his simple formal shirt, tie and pressed pants.

“Hey,” was all she said and they walked in together. Double D kept glancing at her from the corner of his eye. She couldn’t just be 14!

Rolf and Marie, two of the school basketball team’s star players, were greeting people as they entered. “Yo yo, acquaintance of Rolf!” Rolf grinned at Double D and handed him a jawbreaker. “Complementary Jawbreaker, on behalf of his homey-chickens!” He then handed a jawbreaker to Sarah.

Marie rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Actually, it’s for the Homecoming Committee,” she said, sucking on her own jawbreaker
.
As expected, the entire hall was decked out in a variety of pink shades, balloons, streamers, paper hearts and pink spotlights.

Sarah looked around and gasped. “Is that Johnny and May?!…and Plank.”

Johnny was squeezing May close to him and Plank. The freckled blonde was choking in his grasp. “Woohoo! Triple Date Fudge Sundae!” Johnny laughed gleefully.

“It would appear so,” Double D quipped, chuckling slightly. “There’s Kevin and Lee. Hmm…interesting!”

Sarah fidgeted with her fingers and gave him a meaningful look. “Let’s dance,” she said, taking Double D’s hand and putting it on her waist.

Double D paled. So long PG13 fantasies. “Oh my…!”

Meanwhile Jimmy was fuming, watching Sarah and Double D step on each other’s toes. Kuki never failed to notice. “Doushita, Jimbo-chan?” she asked.

“Kosekose, Kuki-san…it’s just Double D and Sarah…”

“Ooh. Duberu-deru-chan iz uber KAWAII!”

Jimmy sniffed, smirking. “Yes, Double D is ugly.”

Double D turned from a sickly white to a red bright enough to rival Sarah’s flaming tresses. He apologized for squishing her toes for the fifteenth time and stumbled back into someone. It all happened in slow motion as each person knocked each other forward, just like a row of dominoes, until they crashed hard into the snack table. The snack table was knocked over and revealed a rather compromising situation in which Nazz and Kevin were locking lips.

The music came to an abrupt stop. Everyone gawked at them as they continued at it fervently. However, they finally noticed the many pairs of eyes and broke away.

“Crap!” Kevin gasped. “I mean…you’re all Dorks!” He blushed furiously and ran away.

Nazz was left on the floor, looking somewhat delirious. “Hehe…that was fun.”

Eddy came running over, looking shocked. “Nazz?!” he cried, finally able to speak to her after all this time. “What are you doin’, baby?”

Nazz got to her feet and tucked some disheveled hair behind one ear. “Oh Eddy, you’re hot and everything, but…Kevin and I are like Soul Mates. It wouldn’t have worked out.”

Eddy was becoming overdramatic, holding an arm to his forehead. “You’ve broken me, Nazz, you’ve broken me.”

“Hehe, sure Eddy,” Nazz said, walking after her estranged boyfriend. “Kevin, wait up!”

“Call me!” Eddy whimpered.

Ed came up to stand behind his friend, sauce smeared across his mouth and down his front. “Eddy is alone, but so is Ed. Ed ate his date! Come dance with Ed, friend!” He grabbed Eddy in his arms and started to dance with him.

Eddy’s bottom lip trembled and he started to cry.

However, Ed, as always, remained oblivious. “This song makes me cry every time too, Eddy!”

*

Meanwhile, Double D and Sarah were taking a breather outside. Double D had his arm wrapped around Sarah’s shoulders as he attempted to regain his balance. “I…I don’t know what came over me. I really am very clumsy.”

Sarah shrugged, grinning with amusement. “It’s okay. You made the dance interesting and exposed those two cheaters…”

They looked at each other and shuddered.

“Sarah, erm, I…” Double D didn’t know what possessed him as he took her hand and squeezed it gently. “Out of the admission for my own state of mind, and heart at present – a rather clear and honest intention…all intellectual babble aside: I like you. And although I know that there is a considerable age difference, perhaps in time, you and I could…”

Sarah smiled hopefully.

“SARAH! HOW COULD YOU?”

Double D and Sarah separated hands and stared at the livid blonde boy, his face pink and round with anger.

Sarah was nonplussed. “Jimmy?”

Jimmy stomped forward, hands on his bony hips. “How can you do this to me? I thought we had something!”

“Huh?” Sarah and Double D exchanged a puzzled look. “What about Kuki?”

Jimmy shook his head dramatically and took her hand. “We’re through! It’s about you and me, baby! Besides, he’s too old for you!”

Double D felt that it was time for him to intervene. “Listen, Jimmy, it’s really okay –”

“Not a word from you, mister! You’re a cradle robber, and should be ashamed!” Jimmy snapped in a high tone. “You’re coming with me, missy!” He tugged Sarah forward, nearly making her fall over as he dragged her inside. “Let’s go bake cookies!”

Sarah looked frantically back over her shoulder at Double D, giving him an exasperated look. “I’ll talk to you soon,” she mouthed before disappearing back into the dance hall.

Double D watched them leave, his shoulders drooping slightly. “Sarah…?” he murmured.

*

The next day shone a light of reality of sorts, as the three Eds found themselves stuck in detention for the better half of the afternoon. Double D had his head slumped on his desk, frowning into space. “So, everything has returned to the way it was. Delightful.”

Eddy, on the other hand, was looking rather pleased with himself. “Heh, I bet you let down Sarah pretty steeply.” He smirked at the possibility. “She deserves it…stupid brat.”

Double D raised his head and said matter-of-factly, “Actually, Jimmy was the passive-aggressive interjector…he sort of towed her away…but I am positive that in time, she and I could be…”

“I’m trying to make myself feel better, Sock Head!” Eddy said defensively, visible upset. “Gosh!”

Double D folded his arms obstinately. “Well, pardon me for giving myself a glimmer of hope. It isn’t always about you, Eddy.”

Ed was swaying back and forth in his chair, a distant smile on his face. “It didn’t work out for all of us. We all got dumped. Except I didn’t, I ate my date.”

“Yes Ed…” Double D whispered, then yelled, “you had an insatiable craving to consume her!”

“It was good while it lasted,” Ed said.

Double D sighed, leaning his face in his hands.

Eddy was staring down at his desk, tears welling up in his eyes. “Nazz…baby…come back…” He emitted a pathetic sob.

“SHUT IT, TWERP!” Eddy’s brother screamed over his girlie magazine. He leered back into the pages. “Ooh-hoo-hoo…that’s right! Ooh, come ta daddeh.”

“I am an endangered mammal!” Ed proclaimed, jumping out of his chair and hovering in the air, his arms spread. “Hug me!”

“You’re defying the Law of Gravity, Ed,” Double D pointed out.

Ed suddenly found his sense of gravity and fell on top of the two unsuspecting boys, who grappled with the taller, heavier boy as they screamed “ED!!!”

Double D shook his head and slammed it into the desk. Perhaps it would be wise for him to wait at least two years before he considered Sarah as a …potential partner. But he found as Nazz was long gone from his mind, Sarah was all he thought about. Eddy didn’t mind despite his bickering, and Ed didn’t seem to mind at all. Double D would see what tomorrow brought as he grinned into the polished wood of the tabletop.